Hidden Costs of a Divorce

We all know that a divorce has a huge negative impact on our lives financially. Although it is difficult to put an exact figure on the financial impact without knowing the specifics, we are most likely talking about a five digit number in legal fees especially if there are areas of major disagreement and fault. This is the most visible mark that a divorce leaves on us.

In reality there are many additional marks that a divorce leaves on us:

• Mental health suffers a lot. In fact mental health bills pile up, self confidence hits an all time low and it takes years to heal from our wounds.
• Physical health especially inflammatory conditions and weight related issues peak during this time. On the surface these issues seem to be less acute and dramatic than a domestic violence situation but in fact modern medicine is not yet fully equipped to treat these medical issues driven by long periods of high stress exposure.
• Some divorces take a really long time and people lose their youth (and hormones and reproductive functions)! Yes, we only live once and our biological clocks do not have a ‘pause’ button. There is no bringing back our lost years.
• We lose friendships. Divorcing families that tend to see other families as friends tend to lose their friends both due to the fact that nobody wants to be in an environment with lots of conflict and also due to the fact that friends end up picking sides as it is nearly impossible to retain a healthy relationship with both separating partners while they are fighting.
• Our career takes a nose dive. Our cognitive functions are split across a thousand different divorce related things and we tend to miss important meetings or appointments, work a lot less efficiently, our creativity and persistence suffers. In summary, our job performance suffers greatly.
• Our kids suffer. A divorce especially a contested one is not easy on the kids. Younger ones tend to think that something that they have done is causing their parents to fight, while the older ones tend to show more signs of teenage depression and discipline issues. Although most parents take special care in dealing with their kids during this time, it is the parents actions against each other such as bickering, fighting and putting their battle armors on, that let the kids down.
• Personal care such as yard work, housekeeping, taxes, car care, hygiene, nutrition etc becomes an afterthought and bills get missed, late fees and penalties pile up, we start living in a virtual dumpster, bad habits kick in, and a myriad of other bad things happen. 
• Housing in the post covid era is an extremely overwhelming thing to master. We lose time, energy and money trying to find short term accommodations and shortly after that, a longer term may be a permanent solution. There are just too many moving parts and if you have kids, re-schooling, loss of friendships and protecting our kids living standards become a giant task for us.

These are the hidden costs of a divorce that people often very poorly manage and we strongly advise any divorcing individual to come up with a clear road-map to help them navigate this part of their life.